I see so much of myself in your writing. The giftedness, the feeling of being autistic, the excitement of new beginnings but failure to remain consistent, the lived torture of office jobs--yet going down that path anyway because from the "safe distance" it seemed like an easy life. And then failing that too LOL
oof, this is so relatable... i think many of us have this crystal clear image, of ourselves or the futures, and it seems so attainable, but then it doesn't materialize and we blame ourselves. i think it's much more difficult to notice all the factors keeping us from our "potential." I'm always reminding myself: I didn't make the rules, I didn't set the board, I didn't choose the hand I was dealt. whatever I'm able to do, that's enough.
When you mentioned you couldn't even stay consistent with Football Manager, it made me laugh because I've had similar experiences with my hobbies. In a thought experiment, I realized I couldn't even dedicate 40 hours a week to my favorite hobby, let alone a job!
If you haven't yet , look into giftedness. A high IQ implies more than being smart, as in learning fast. It has downstream effects on how you function. For me it helped understand and embrace certain patterns.
I'm not sure about the validity of all of the conclusions, but correlation between high IQ and various pathologies (or at least difficulties) is certainly interesting to consider
Glad to see the real you back and writing! It got weird there for a bit, but this seems like the person I remember admiring when I first started on Substack a few years ago. May you find all the grace and strength you need to keep going.
Brother I have missed you, is there any place I can find your older writings collected from across your different names over the years? You’ve written many essays that have stuck with me and I wish I could read them again.
I see so much of myself in your writing. The giftedness, the feeling of being autistic, the excitement of new beginnings but failure to remain consistent, the lived torture of office jobs--yet going down that path anyway because from the "safe distance" it seemed like an easy life. And then failing that too LOL
oof, this is so relatable... i think many of us have this crystal clear image, of ourselves or the futures, and it seems so attainable, but then it doesn't materialize and we blame ourselves. i think it's much more difficult to notice all the factors keeping us from our "potential." I'm always reminding myself: I didn't make the rules, I didn't set the board, I didn't choose the hand I was dealt. whatever I'm able to do, that's enough.
I appreciate your honesty and style of writing. We're rooting for you and all struggling through it with you
❤️
When you mentioned you couldn't even stay consistent with Football Manager, it made me laugh because I've had similar experiences with my hobbies. In a thought experiment, I realized I couldn't even dedicate 40 hours a week to my favorite hobby, let alone a job!
Good to see you back Antonio!
Glad to be back!
yes, let's talk about the bombs...
Soon...
If you haven't yet , look into giftedness. A high IQ implies more than being smart, as in learning fast. It has downstream effects on how you function. For me it helped understand and embrace certain patterns.
Thank you.
On this subject, you might be interested in: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_N6qPEA_dGc
I'm not sure about the validity of all of the conclusions, but correlation between high IQ and various pathologies (or at least difficulties) is certainly interesting to consider
Thanks for writing this.
Glad to see the real you back and writing! It got weird there for a bit, but this seems like the person I remember admiring when I first started on Substack a few years ago. May you find all the grace and strength you need to keep going.
Brother I have missed you, is there any place I can find your older writings collected from across your different names over the years? You’ve written many essays that have stuck with me and I wish I could read them again.